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Oh, Jesus, I have missed you.

The last Mass I attended was March 1, 2020. I went to confession and then heard Mass.

I have never gone a year without Mass, and I’ve definitely never gone this long without The Eucharist. During my longest hospitalizations, I still had the Eucharist almost every week (except for the time I was in the ICU and, you know, not able to swallow things). Right before my transplant I was able to receive a sip of the Precious Blood. After transplant, extraordinary ministers of Holy Communion came to our house to give me the sacrament.

I haven’t had the Eucharist since July, when my good friend Fr. H came to hear my confession, give me communion, and have lunch with me.

That’s so long without Jesus.

I was so excited to go to Mass that I couldn’t sleep last night. The idea of wearing nice “church” clothes, of getting all my prayer books together from their disparate places around my house, and actually attending Mass and not listening to a podcast homily, was…really exciting. I’m not going to lie.

Entering the pew and being in the presence of God was a thrill, and I’m not lying. Usually I come to Mass “prepared”. I have a list of who I’m going to pray for and what I’m offering Mass for.

This Mass? Nothing but pure thanksgiving.

The closest thing I can compare it to is when I was in the ICU in college. I was flat on my back or two weeks. My muscles had completely lost the knack of doing things like sitting up, or standing, or going to the bathroom. I was amazed at how my body just took those things for granted.

That’s how I felt today. Receiving Jesus in the Eucharist, being filled with that grace—it was like, “I got this every week?” It felt completely new and I was so grateful for it.

Discover & share this Disney GIF with everyone you know. GIPHY is how you search, share, discover, and create GIFs.

Catholics, let’s talk for a second.

I am totally vaccinated. You might not be. You might still be wary of going back.

Please go back soon. Jesus misses you!

One of my goals was to get to Mass for Holy Week. The idea of celebrating Holy Week, going to the Masses, going to confession, having real holy hours again…I’m a bit verklempt thinking about it.

I wrote in the back of my prayer journal that “Jesus is essential.” I had missed Mass but I didn’t realize how much I had missed it until I was back in the parking lot and getting out of the car.

It really was like coming home.

Seven Quick Takes: BACK TO MASS!

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Hello all!

Yesterday I wrote a little post on the Annunciation so check that out. :)

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I AM GOING BACK TO MASSSSSS!

Yes! Tomorrow! Palm Sunday! Holy Week! Easter!!!!!!!!

I am super super super excited in case you cannot tell.

Oh, and CONFESSSSSSSSSSSSIONNNNNNNN.

Gonna be great, cannot wait.

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Your weekly Patty:

LOOK at those teeth!!!!

I cannot WAIT to get to Texas, people. I just miss them all so much and I want to snuggle Patty until she giggles like mad. (Wouldn’t YOU, I mean LOOK AT HER.)

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Last Stations of the Cross tonight at 7:00 on my Facebook page! Come join!

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OK so I want to talk about something sort of quickly. This might merit a larger blog post but we’ll see. :) (Or this might go on long, either way.)

I was listening to a YouTube video the other day and the speaker—who is a sort of generic Christian (but has a statute of St. Therese in her office, so, I dunno!)—was talking about how if we have faith, we shouldn’t ever be worried about anything because God will take care of us. We shouldn’t have any fear.

OK so…I have thoughts.

First off, and this is really apropos as we get into Holy Week, Jesus was afraid. In the garden of Gethsemane he asked God to let this cup pass from Him. Those aren’t the words of someone who’s like yeah this is totally cool. On the cross, he cried out, “My God, my God, why have you abandoned me?”

Jesus knew fear and he knew pain and he knew sadness. The shortest verse in the New Testament is “Jesus wept.” (John 11:35—some versions have “And Jesus wept.”)

Jesus wasn’t just wholly divine. He was also entirely human. He knew all the things we knew. The book of Hebrews tells us that Jesus knew everything we know, except sin:

14 Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has ascended into heaven, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess.15 For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin. 16 Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. (Hebrews 4:14-16)

Jesus KNEW all these things. Let’s not act like because He was God he didn’t cry, or feel tired, or need potty-trained by Mary and Joseph. :)

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The other part of this is that, yes, God wants us to trust in Him and not be afraid—Jesus tells us not to be afraid as well: “Do not let your hearts be troubled” (John 14:1), and later in the chapter:

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled, and do not let them be afraid. (John 14: 27)

This isn’t something that just magically happens. We have to work at trust. I wrote a lot about this in my book. It’s one of the reasons I love the Divine Mercy chapelet, because I think it helps me grow in Trust. I know that God has me. But that doesn’t mean that I’m not afraid sometimes. And I think that’s perfectly Biblical, because Jesus was afraid! He was sad! He knows what it’s like to be human.

Flannery O’Connor once said:

“What people don't realize is how much religion costs. They think faith is a big electric blanket, when of course it is the cross.”

Faith is scary, and, like Flannery said, it costs. The entire life of a Christian is growing in our faith, hope, and trust. It’s not an immediate thing. We have to work on it and it might take a lifetime. But the thing is, you’re working on it. You’re growing (I hope!) in the spiritual life. You’re learning. It’s like looking at Patty and saying, “well, you’re a human! So let’s do some quadratic equations right now!”

She’s a baby. When she’s older, sure, we can ask her that. I don’t want her to be reading BabyLit Pride and Prejudice for ever. I want her to read the real thing! But I don’t expect her to do that right now.

Every person is in their own place and progresses at their own pace.

(And, um, look at the apostles? What did they do right after Jesus said all this to them? Ran away and denied him!)

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OK so that’s that. :) No quick takes next week because Good Friday!

Annunciation

Fra Angelico, “Annunciation” (one of many he did! More of them are below.)

Hail, Mary!

The Annunciation is a solemnity on the Church calendar—meaning that it’s treated like a Sunday. During Lent, when it usually falls, you can relax your penances because it’s a day that we are meant to REJOICE.

A few years ago the Annunciation fell on Good Friday and it was transferred to my birthday, which was pretty cool. The Church wants us to celebrate with her, so the feast was moved so that we could celebrate it.

Botticelli, “Annunciation”

There’s a lot of baggage associated with the word “handmaid” these days. But let’s remember that it’s Biblical—in the Annunciation account, Mary said, “I am the handmaid of the Lord"! And that’s what we’re all called to be, man or woman—handmaids of God. Let’s follow Mary’s instructions and “Do whatever He tells you.” (John 2:5)

We’re afraid to do whatever God tells us, aren’t we? We don’t think that God really wants our ultimate good. But He does. He wants it so much that “the Word became flesh and dwelt among us.” (John 1: 14)

Mary shows us how to do whatever God asks of us—with trust and confidence, a confidence and trust that carries her even to the foot of the cross where she watched her son die. She pondered these things in her heart (Luke 2:19). She might not have always understood, because Mary isn’t God. She’s not omnipotent. But she knew that God’s plan, “crazy” as it might be, lead to her good, and the good of her son.

Here’s a poem about the annunciation that I really like, so I’ll leave you with it:

The Annunciation

Edwin Muir

The angel and the girl are met.
Earth was the only meeting place.
For the embodied never yet
Travelled beyond the shore of space.

The eternal spirits in freedom go
See, they have come together, see,
While the destroying minutes flow,
Each reflects the other’s face
Till heaven in hers and earth in his
Shine steady there. He’s come to her
From far beyond the farthest star,
Feathered through time. Immediacy
Of strangest strangeness is the bliss
That from their limbs all movement takes.
Yet the increasing rapture brings
So great a wonder that it makes
Each feather tremble on his wings.

El Greco, “The Annunciation”

Outside the window footsteps fall
Into the ordinary day
And with the sun along the wall
Pursue their unreturning way.
Sound’s perpetual roundabout
Rolls its numbered octaves out
And hoarsely grinds its battered tune.

Fra Angelico, “The Annunciation”

But through the endless afternoon
These neither speak nor movement make,
But stare into their deepening trance
As if their gaze would never break.

Leonardo da Vinci, “The Annunciation”, 1472.

Seven Quick Takes--Second Shot!

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Hi!

Let’s start with what was on the blog this week:

Living Memento Mori on Catholicmom.com!

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Depending on when you’re reading this, I will either be on my way to get my second COVID vaccine, or I will have it! My parents and I are fully vaccinated!!!! Woo woo!

That means—MASS NEXT WEEKENDDDDDD. Church for Holy Week!!!!

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It also means the I’ve booked a trip to see Patty and crew this summer!

Patty and her oldest sister, Susie, on their grandparents’ Texas ranch.

Looking for cows.

Do I even NEED to tell y’ll how excited I am to get to see Patty? No? OK. :) :) Seriously SO EXCITEDDDDDDDDDD. And to see everyone else, of course. I haven’t been to Houston in a few years. My sister used to live there before she got married, so I’ve been there twice. Once to see Mel, and once to see Diane when her daughter holding (Susie) Patty was A BABY. Seriously. She’s 12 now and playing lacrosse for her school and I’m thinking, you were just Patty’s age!

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I am prepared to spend the weekend feeling not good, but that’s OK. I have meds here and entertainment. Worse comes to worse, I just sleep it off.

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I am actually KnoMari’ing everything. I’ve done it before, but it wasn’t really thorough, I sort of half-did it, which is a no go. So the first thing was clothes. Oh my goodness WHAT a clothes purge. I’ve gotten rid of all sorts of things and it definitely makes me feel good. (I am donating everything, not tossing it unless it’s really just I crappy shape, like shoes with holes [why do I even have them?!] or things that are ripped.) I’m not really going to do books because I ddi them before I moved and I have my own system. So I’m finishing clothes and then I’ll move on to papers, which I actually have a fairly good handle on, but it can’t hurt to go through them again. I don’t think I need my tax return for 2006 anymore, right? :)

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Don’t forget STATIONS OF THE CROSS on my Facebook page tonight at 7:00 EST!

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And finally, if you’ve read Living Memento Mori, please leave a review on Amazon or goodreads? THANK YOU! They’re so helpful in getting the word out! (It can be the same one both places!) Also on goodreads, be sure to add it to your shelves!

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Do you remember Little Billy? He would’ve been a year old on St. Patrick’s Day. Please pray for his parents and family!

Living Memento Mori on CatholicMom.com!

I’m so happy to see a lovely review of Living Memento Mori up at Catholicmom.com!

Seven Quick Takes--Fourth Friday of Lent

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Hi everyone! Sorry no quick takes last week. I was on the last day of the Evil Antibiotic and my body was just blah. So there was no blogging, or really much of anything. But I feel much better now and my sleep schedule and energy and coming back! Yay!

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Most recent posts:

The Cardigan is DONE!

Podcast Interview and Best Of List for Living Memento Mori!

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This Lent has been sort of meh. I didn’t really make a good plan this year, if I’m being honest. I did my usual things of no book buying and no chocolate but I wanted to stay off social media more than I have. So….Lent’s not over and I can still do something about that! I’m going to try to be better with set limits. How’s your Lent going?

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I am doing Stations of the Cross every Friday on my Facebook page during Lent, however!

(yes, I just wrote about social media and here’s Facebook. It’s the best way to communicate with video, I’ve found. IG live is sort of fiddly for me and I need to figure out videos without social media…it’s on my to-do list.)

I post a prayer request thread every Wednesday on my page as well! So these intentions are prayed for during the stations and in my own prayer a well. We use the prayers from Living Memento Mori for the stations, so you can follow along in your own copy if you want.

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Here’s your weekly dose of Patty:

She also got her blanket!

And you can also clearly see her two teeth! She’s working on an upper tooth now, her mom says, so she’s sort of crank-tactic. This week she tried to eat a spider and was very put out when her mom didn’t let her.

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If you would like a signed copy of the book, they are $20 and they include a bookmark, a prayer card, and free shipping! Drop me an email.

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I’m still waiting for the second dose of my COVID vaccine to be scheduled. It hasn’t quite been a month yet, but it will be next weekend, so…..I’d like to know if I’m going to be getting it then! I am totally chomping at the bit to be fully vaccinated!

Yarn Along: The Cardigan is DONE! (and so many other projects!)

Well, well, well.

My people. After starting it as my Quarantine Project, the Boothbay Cardigan is DONE!

Check those seams, folks!

Wearing it in an Instagram Friday Introductions post.

The back—you can see the collar curling a bit.

I promise that at some point we will have a photo of me wearing it that’s full-length. I promise! :)

So, final notes:

1) The sleeves are long. I knew they would be, because my arms are like T. rex arms. So it’s nice that the cuffs have a garter stitch detail, so that when I roll the sleeves up it still “works” with the overall design and doesn’t look like Emily has rolled the sleeves of her cardigan and made the sleeves too long! (Well, I did, but I was following the pattern. So.)

One of the KnitStars 5 lessons I watched during quarantine was all about how to adjust clothing measurements to your measurements, and I’m going to use that a lot the next time I make a cardigan, and there will be a next time.

2) Picking up stitches is much easier when you’re moving vertically, rather than horizontally. At least, I find it so. So the one thing with this cardigan that I don’t like is the bottom collar. The collar for boothbay is picked up and knitted all around. When I picked up the stitches on the bottom, I must have done it wrong, because it’s a little more “cocoony” than it should be—as in, if you look at the piece as a whole the collar is an oval shape. It doesn’t really hang “open” at the bottom as much as it should. However, I realize this is a very picky thing and if I hadn’t mentioned it you might never have noticed.

3) I didn’t use all the yarn called for in this pattern. I think I had two or three skeins left over. Not a problem, because it’s always good to have extra yarn!

4) One of the things I am happiest about is my decision to size up. I wanted this cardigan to have some extra give in the arms so I could wear it over things. That also probably led to the arms being longer, but I have exactly the right amount of ease in the arms, and I can wear it over things, as seen in the photo above. That makes me really happy.

5) Knitting clothes is like an entirely new world. To knit something for you, that I can throw on and wear hen I go out to get the mail or whatever, is sort of mind-boggling. I can make clothes!

6) Like I said above, I will definitely be knitting more clothes! I have my eyes on the Lesley sweater which was in the same pattern collection as booth bay—and honestly, it should be easier because it’s only FOUR pieces as opposed to six! (I definitely like seaming.) I don’t think I’d go for the negative ease that it’s shown in. With my body I’d want a little more give around the tummy area. But we’ll see when I go to look at the schematic. I’m also looking at the Georgetown Cardigan (also from the same collection).

WHEW! OK that’s it for the cardigan! If you want to see all the posts in this series, here you go.

Onto my other knitting projects!

Patty’s blanket has been sent to her….

I’m working on the Whatever the Weather Mystery Knit Along—you could knit a scarf, a wrap, or a blanket, and I chose a wrap, using the daily highs as my temperature guide:

January and February

And I also knit an insanely fun, chunky cowl with Knit Collage yarn:

I love pairing the cowl and my cardigan together when I go out. Together they’re perfect for the late winter/early spring weather we’ve got here in Central Ohio right now:

Now that the “big” project is done, I’m in the middle of finishing some projects that have been hibernating, and working on smaller projects. For Christmas I got the Harry Potter knitting book, and I’ve decided to knit the seven horcrux washcloths, because they seemed fun and easy. I started with Ravenclaw’s Diadem. I’m not too far into the pattern yet so you can’t see the design that well, but it will come:

As for what I’m reading—I’ve been on a bit of a Chesterton kick. Part of that is reading all of the Fr. Brown stories, which I’ve actually never read, but I’m working to fill that gap!

What are you reading/creating? Let me know in the comments!

Book News: Podcast Interview and a Best Of List!

Two things in the book news category!

First, my episode of the podcast “How They Love Mary” is live! Go check it out!

Second, Living Memento Mori was named one of the best books of 2020 in a Catholic World Report piece! It asked its contributors to name the best books they read last year, and Living Memento Mori was on the list.